** This was a devotion that my mom sent me about a month ago, and I have gone back to reread it several times this holiday season. Sometimes it is tough having our families in two different states, and the holiday season really highlights the distance. I have always been one for tradition and despite how much I cherish the alone time Greg and I have to spend together on Christmas Eve now, I still miss the tradition of being at my grandmother's on Christmas Eve. It's difficult to try and make everyone happy, and there will be times that we just can't make it to everything or years that we celebrate the holiday not on the day with our families, but I am just so blessed that we have such accommodating families that understand this. While I am overjoyed to be starting new traditions with my husband, despite being ecstatic at the prospect of things changing and new traditions being made when we have kids, this girl still has a tough time with change. However, I am looking forward to our four days of Christmas fun with both families! It will be jammed packed, but full of love and laughter and we can't wait! 3 Dec 2010
T. Suzanne Eller
“There is joy for those who deal justly with others and always do what is right.”
Psalm 106:3 (NLT)
“I don’t like the holidays,” I whispered.
I used to love holidays. Before I was married. Before I felt the pull to be everywhere at the same time. Before any decisions that I made left someone upset or angry or feeling left out.
I struggled with a desire to be home, to start my own traditions with my young children and husband. We were the first to be married in both families, and thus the first to break “how it’s always been.”
Thanksgiving was a time to be thankful. All I felt was stretched thin. Christmas was a time to be joyous but I usually felt frustrated.
As we had children, I tried to mask my frustration with enthusiasm. We had fun setting out pumpkins. We decorated the house. But inside I wrestled because I knew what was coming.
Looking back, I wonder why I didn’t say anything. Instead, I simply let it fester. I didn’t take into account that if I kept silent things would never change. I just simmered in anger.
Deal with others, but do what is right.
Thirty years later, I treasure the holidays. It took time, but we finally learned to share our needs. “Trying to be everywhere in such a short time is exhausting,” we said.
We began by trying to see other’s point of view. An empty nest left gaps that traditions used to fill. We didn’t approach in anger, but with a willingness to work through the conflict with honesty and grace.
Some were open. Others were not, especially in the beginning. If they were flexible, we rejoiced. If not, we didn’t take it personally. Change takes time.
Perhaps the greatest gift that we received came later. When our children married, suddenly there were several families in the mix. We told our children that it’s not the date on the calendar that makes holidays special. It’s the heart behind the holidays. It’s spending time with people you love.
So, sometimes we get together on Thanksgiving, or maybe the week after. Maybe it’s Christmas only, while Thanksgiving is spent with other family members. If they aren’t with us on a specific day, my husband and I fill that time with a new tradition–just the two of us.
What we discovered is that by letting go, they come more often because there’s no pressure. They let us in on their traditions. Regardless of the date, when we do get together it’s so fun! It’s a gift.
Maybe you’ve been singing the holiday blues. What is one step that you can take to change your tune?
Dear Lord, thank You for my family. I’m grateful for so many things, and one of those is family who loves me enough to want to be with me. Help me to share my needs with my loved ones, and to do it with grace and gentleness. Help me not to take it personal as they struggle with change. If I am the one that is inflexible, help me to bend and grow. Help me to be thankful every day for all that I have been given. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Merry Christmas!!!
